When you were a parent to young children, you were able to set the rules that your children were to follow. And when things didn’t go according to plan, you were then able to give them certain consequences to help them learn and grow. But now that you’re older and living in your senior living community and your children are adults in their own right, your parenting looks very different.
While you can’t parent your children like you did when you were younger, you can and should still set boundaries for them, especially if you feel like they’re taking advantage of your relationship with them. To help you in doing this, here are three tips for setting boundaries with your adult children.
Know What Your Limits Are
Before you can effectively set boundaries, you first have to know what your limits are and what would be crossing a line for you.
While it can be hard to know what your limits are and or enforce those limits with your children, try to think about times when your child has done something that rubbed you the wrong way or made you feel like you were being taken advantage of. Then, you can try to pinpoint what that exact action was and which part of that interaction you wouldn’t want to take part in in the future. This can help you realize what your limits are.
Set Boundaries As A Way To Foster Autonomy
As a parent, you want to be able to help your children in any way that you can. But at a certain point, if you want your adult children to be able to be self-sufficient, you have to set boundaries that will help to foster autonomy for them.
Depending on what it is that you feel your adult child is struggling with, you may want to set boundaries around what type of help you’re willing to give and what you think they need to be able to handle on their own. Sometimes, the more you help, the more your adult child will become dependent on you, which is the opposite of what you’re wanting.
Accept Their Feelings About Your Boundaries
When you choose to set boundaries with anyone, especially boundaries that will stop behavior that someone might be used to, it’s natural to have some pushback from them. But while you can’t control their behavior and reaction to your boundaries, you do have control over how you hold your boundaries and how you accept their feelings about your boundaries. So while it can be difficult, it’s wise to expect some strong feelings about new boundaries with your adult children.
Strong, healthy boundaries are the bedrock of strong, healthy parent and adult-child relationships. So to help you get this, consider implementing some of the tips mentioned above about setting boundaries.
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